Ask Anything – Sibling Sleep Challenges – April 2014

Sibling Sleep Challenges
by: Dr. Tina Lepage

Q: My wife and I recently had a second child, but this question is about our older child, and we’re not sure if this problem is related or not to having added a sibling to the mix. The problem is that my 4-year-old insists on waking me up every morning around 4:00am! I’m exhausted and need help.

A: Wow, a preschooler with sleeping challenges and a new baby at the same time. You must be exhausted! From your question, it’s hard to say whether your preschooler’s early waking is related to the new addition or not so I’m going to address both issues separately.

First, the question of early waking. Although it might seem counter-intuitive, your preschooler may be going to bed too late. A four year old needs 10 to 12 hours of sleep per day, including a daytime nap if he still takes one. Children who are well rested and sleep longer generally have fewer behavioral issues and perform better in school so don’t about too much sleep. If your preschooler is taking an afternoon nap for an hour, he or she should still sleep for about 10 or 11 hours at night. If the nap is longer during the day, take that amount of time off the nighttime sleeping, but if your child is no longer napping, he needs to get all his sleep at night. You might be trying to force your child to sleep later by keeping him or her up later but this will have the opposite effect. Try, for at least four consecutive days, putting your son or daughter to bed an hour earlier than usual. Go through your usual night time routine with calming and soothing activity before you turn out the light. If the child awakens at 4:00am, just quietly walk him or her back to bed and don’t allow yourself to become engaged. Be sure not to scold! Instead, allow your child to return to sleep as you would if he or she awakened in the middle of the night. There is a wonderful book on children and sleeping called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. that you might want to purchase for yourself. Sleep is one of the most important factors in healthy development so it’s worth the time to consult the available resources on this topic not only for your preschooler but for the baby as well.

Now, for the second issue: whether the early waking is related to the new baby in the home. It is unlikely that your preschooler would awaken early simply because the new baby is in the home, unless he or she was awakened by crying or tending to the baby. If crying or other activity with the baby is waking up your older child, you’ll need to ensure there is better soundproofing around his room so that this doesn’t happen. You might consider using a white noise generator outside the bedroom door. If, on the other hand, your preschooler is not being awakened but is the one waking everyone else up, again, try working with the sleep schedule. It is highly unlikely your preschooler is intentionally waking you up at 4:00 in the morning to get more attention or because he or she is jealous of the baby. There are however, several things you can do to ensure your older child is adjusting to the new baby, aside from the question of early waking. The general idea is that the older child will naturally be jealous, unsure of what this new baby will do to his or her relationship with mommy and daddy, and unclear about what role he or she is to play in the family now that the baby is here. The preschooler will need reassurances in these areas but he or she will also need a normal routine, healthy limits, and some time to adjust to the new family member. A nice way to spend some quiet time with the older child is to read books together about adjusting to a new baby in the family, such as Arthur’s New Baby Book by Marc Brown. It’s also very important to help yourpreschooler bond with the new baby by allowing him or her to hold the baby and to helpmommy and daddy nurturing tasks or chores.

Your family has grown with the addition of a new baby and that can be both an exciting and an exhausting time. Be sure to take care of yourselves as parents, ask for help when you need it, and be proactive about ensuring your preschooler gets the rest he or she needs. This will, of course, help ensure you get the rest you need.