Ask Anything – October 2014

by: Dr. Tina Lepage

Q: I have three children under the age of six. They are great kids and I have no complaints about their behavior overall but sometimes they get on my nerves! This is usually around dinnertime when they’re all hungry and my husband is not home from work yet. The kids start whining about being hungry while I’m still cooking dinner. Everything becomes really unpleasant really quickly and it seems like they’re all trying to outdo the other in whining and they sometimes fight with each other. How do I prevent this whining from happening so that the half hour before dinner doesn’t turn into a whine-fest? I get so irritated when this happens I just want to get up and leave!
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A: Three kids under the age of six years old means you must be a very busy mom. I’m not sure but it sounds like you are a full-time mom, which means you’ve been at it all day with them by the time dinner comes around. It’s a lot to manage three young children and the preparation of dinner if you’re the only adult at home. Rather than trying techniques to get the children to stop whining and behave better at the dinner hour, it would probably be more helpful to take some preventative measures.

If it is typical for you to be alone with the children at dinnertime then the least amount of time spent on dinner preparation the better. Start thinking about dinner in the morning and do whatever tasks can be done ahead of time during the day when the kids are more rested and most likely more engaged in play. Ideally, at dinnertime you will only have to warm up whatever food you have prepared during the day. Crock pots are a great way to get everything done in the morning and let it cook all day so all you have to do is have the kids sit down and eat. Also, make sure the kids are well hydrated. If they’ve been playing all day they might be somewhat cranky because they need to drink some water. Get the kids into the habit of drinking water after their mid-day naps. At snack time, think about snacks with a little protein to help hold their appetites until dinner.

Creating a pre-dinner ritual or routine will also help the kids transition to sitting quietly at the table. This can consist of quiet activity or help with preparing for dinner. If you opt for a quiet routine, look for things they enjoy and will hold their attention, and ideally can be done in their bedroom or playroom versus the kitchen; the goal is to buy yourself at least 30 minutes alone in the kitchen. Your older child is old enough to help with table setting and depending on the ages of your younger two, they might be old enough to do some simple tasks as well, such as folding napkins and distributing them around the table. Having the children assist in dinner preparation is a great way to send the message that each member of the household is responsible for contributing to running the home. This really needs to be set up ahead of time, ideally in a family meeting. If you try to institute child participation in dinner prep on the spot when the kids are already whiney and hungry, you’re not likely to have much success. But if you can sit down on a weekend with your husband and the kids to talk about everyone needing to help, then when the time comes for them to do their job, they know what to expect. Don’t give up on establishing a new routine if there are stumbles in the beginning! The children will learn a lot, you’ll have some help, and a new expectation for dinner routines will set the stage for a calmer, more enjoyable evening.